i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
