God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
