i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
