This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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