dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize