I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
