is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
