you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
