You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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