Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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