she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
