I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
