This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
