I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
