fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
