There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
