I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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