I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
