I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize