Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
