do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Randomize
