Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize
