it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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