In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
