I love having hate sex.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize