True but thats because hes a fetus.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
