I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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