Moan for me like Helen Keller
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
