I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
