You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
