Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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