how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
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