why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
