i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Panties = found
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