no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
