Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I smell like Dick and happiness
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