Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
