I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
