Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
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