she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
