i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
