some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
