They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
tell me about the eggs
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
