I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
