wat bout pragnant strippers??
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
