no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
