she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
