a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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