I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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