She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
