I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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