I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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