This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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