Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
