I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
