I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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