right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
