I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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