ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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