I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
