What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
