There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
