It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
