In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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