I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
