I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
