I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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