Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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