It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
