Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize