He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
