You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
