So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
