just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
