I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize