It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
